Oh shit! Big news! Infamously jumpshot-reticent Philadelphia 76ers guard Ben Simmons, who has attempted a mere 23 three-pointers in 7,362 minutes of NBA playing time across a little more than two and a half professional seasons and who shoots his free throws as though he has feet for hands, says that he is ready to shoot three-pointers now. Or, well, no, okay, to clarify: He says he feels like he wants to shoot three-pointers now. Or, well, actually, he said that back in roughly late February, in a discussion about his infamous near-total unwillingness to shoot three-pointers. Or anyway he sort of said it. Kind of.
Read moreAuthor: Albert Burneko (page 1 of 1)
Illustration by Chris Thompson
Illustration by my wife
My stockpot is huge. This is not a boast. In fact it may be more like an accusation.
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A young NBA player who is butt. (Illustration by Albert Burneko)
Many young NBA players are springy and cool and good, such as, for example: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Luka Dončić, Trae Young, Jayson Tatum, etc. Future stars of the sport! On the other hand, many young basketball sons are sorry bozos with puke skills, fit only for the bottom of the dumpster. Below, in no particular order, is a list of some NBA youths—no rookies! Rookies are not eligible for this list—who fart rancid ass upon the hardwood.
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