Here's Your 2020 Name Of The Year Bracket

Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog Once Again Invites You To Say Goodbye To Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog

Video by Lauren Theisen

Thank you for supporting Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog. We hope you had as much fun as we did during these past five days. The blogs will remain here for your reading pleasure, but we will be returning to relative obscurity.

If you’d like to keep up with our individual freelance work, just follow this Twitter account.

And if you’d like to be kept abreast of any further developments concerning those of us at Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog, sign up for our mailing list below. Hopefully we will have reason to be reaching out to you soon.

Okay, goodbye!

Touch Your Toes

I’m not a crazy guy. I’m not going to ask you to go for a run, or do pushups of any kind, or remotely approach breaking a sweat. This is not a Hamilton Nolan column. Heck, that guy’s back is all jacked up. All I ask is that you touch your toes.

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Who Hugged Roger Goodell Longest At Last Night’s NFL Draft?

The NFL draft existed for 74 years as a synecdoche of the NFL itself: uptight, staid, formal, and less interesting than its TV ratings would suggest. 2010’s third-overall pick, Gerald McCoy, disrupted those decades of decorum when instead of accepting a hearty handshake from Roger Goodell, he instead enveloped the commissioner with a mighty bear hug—and set the tone for management-labor practices among the league’s newest, newest hires. For a while, at least.

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Please, Sports Illustrated, Do Not Attempt To Hire Me As Grant Wahl’s Replacement, For I Will Simply Reject You

The American soccer community suffered a blow earlier this month when Grant Wahl, a veritable legend in the field, was abruptly fired after over 20 years at Sports Illustrated. As a member of that community, as well as a person with a healthy sense of solidarity with my fellow worker, I was enraged. Here was an established writer who was presented a boot to lick, refused to do so, and was kicked in the teeth for his temerity. For management to try and force a permanent pay cut on a writer, then smear him afterward, is absurd and unprofessional.

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How To Herd Goats

The first time I led the herd out for a walk on my own last November, the goats listened to me for five or so minutes. That was about how long it took for them to get out of sight of the commons, at which point they veered away from the down-canyon road and charged up the hill. Earlier that day, my brother and I had easily taken this herd of 18 goats out for their morning walk, and it was chill enough that I believed I would be able to do it alone after the heat had broken that afternoon. I was wrong about this.

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I Wouldn’t Watch ‘Game Of Thrones’ Again If The Pandemic Lasted A Hundred Years

All anyone on the internet could talk about for a decade was Game of Thrones, and now it’s like it never happened. If I told you less than a year ago, when the finale aired, that 33,000 journalists were going to lose their jobs in a month, you’d nod and say, “Yeah, because Game of Thrones is ending.”

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Rey Mysterio Was The Absolute Shit In The ’90s

Wrestling has been a business driven by nostalgia for as long as I’ve known it, which is why I’ve typically been skeptical of older fans claiming the mid-to-late 1990s as a golden era for the form. Sure, Stone Cold and The Rock became cultural icons at a level that the current generation of wrestlers could hardly dream about, but even just a few minutes of the ugly, embarrassing old-timer’s matches that WWE has been putting on abroad over the past few years are enough to make young(er) fans wonder if there ever really was anything worthwhile about stars like Goldberg or DX.

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There’s Nothing Left To Argue About

Stephen A. Smith has a particular way of doing things, and the way he says MJ is no different. He emphasizes the J, not the M, so it’s M-J instead of the usual MJ that we civilian idiots favor when talking about the best player and worst dresser who ever lived. That enunciative choice is one of those things that is easy not to notice in normal circumstances. Now that sports are cancelled and the first hour of First Take on ESPN is nothing but promotion for the network’s bloated Last Dance documentary, though, that non-standard M-J utterance stands out a bit more.

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Shaving Bobby Fischer: Unearthed Video Shows The Chess Legend Before The Fall

Bobby Fischer came to a sad end. Fischer, the most famous and greatest chess player the U.S. and maybe the world ever produced, spent his last decades hiding and in exile. He used up his rare resurfacings ranting against various governments and all Jews. By his 2008 death from kidney failure in Iceland, where his most heralded chessboard moments had taken place in 1972, Fischer’s repulsive late-in-life behaviors had overwhelmed most memories of his heyday and left him culturally irrelevant.

But, there was a time… 

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Now Is the Perfect Time To Get Lost In Japanese Role-Playing Games

Since I started social distancing on March 8, I have played roughly 300 hours of Japanese role-playing games. This seemingly horrifying life decision has in fact been the best I’ve made during this pandemic, and it’s one I recommend for everyone looking to escape the bummers of quarantine life.

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