It’s even fucking wosre when it’s called “predator.” Sam, Mike, and Will are barely tolerable, but only because of their practical function. My college coach would call it the “stud” and use a $ to denote it in diagrams. That is pretty cringey, but he is wildly successful and just took his (new) D3 team (NOT the team I was on, oh no) into D1, so fuck me I guess.
Punter is like Kicker with no pressure. So you can be a quirky weirdo / fan favorite and as long as you aren’t absolutely horrible no really remembers your screw ups. For example, I know the Steelers’ punter is terrible but I could not for the life of me tell you his name.
Punting can be fun. You get to do the whole backspinny thing and get it to land RIGHT at the goal line. It’s like curling! Plus there’s always a chance you get to throw a pass or even run for a first down on a trick play drawn up on the whiteboard Belichick has an assistant wheel around with him everywhere he goes.
Mike, SAM, Wildcat, Nose Guard/Tackle, 3-Tech, Monster, Half Back, Tail Back, Slot Back, Nickel Back, Dime Back…seems like there may actually be more names than positions on the field
The real sticking to sports was the friends we made along the way.
For real though, this has been an absolute triumph-of-the-human-spirit kind of thing. I am so happy to see this righteous shitshow ride again. It is a goddam gift that they included commenting.
UnDeadspinForever says:
How did punter rank that high? This list is clearly brought to us by BIG LEG. Investigate?
February 2, 2020 — 10:54 am
PostMahomes says:
Kluwe hacked the site.
February 2, 2020 — 10:58 am
BlueDogCollar says:
Drew still owes Kluwe $50.
February 2, 2020 — 11:12 am
RedMenace75 says:
+1
February 3, 2020 — 10:55 am
brilliantmistake says:
For the rare occasion when a punter gets to pull a fake-out and throw a pass?
February 2, 2020 — 3:16 pm
Hummus says:
Better than being a kicker or, god forbid, any form of O lineman
February 3, 2020 — 2:57 pm
Gardner Minshew is my spirit animal says:
+ getting hit by a car
February 2, 2020 — 10:55 am
Jesse says:
It’s nostalgia on top of nostalgia to see punter ranked so high and anticipate the first person asking how far he could punt a football…
February 2, 2020 — 11:03 am
Raysism says:
FUCK OFF
February 2, 2020 — 4:23 pm
Thundergun says:
Is this a real Raysism or a Sears Raysism
February 2, 2020 — 4:58 pm
richard trk says:
Raysism forever in our hearts
February 2, 2020 — 4:34 pm
Kevlar Moneyklips says:
Raysism is the friends we made along the way
February 3, 2020 — 2:16 am
CopperHammer says:
Supine position.
-Robert Kraft
February 2, 2020 — 11:07 am
Hyper Kiper says:
what about EDGE? Where’s EDGE? My mock draft board full up on EDGE prospects. EDGE EDGE
February 2, 2020 — 11:11 am
Caviar Smokeboy says:
Every time I see EDGE as a position I get a douche chill.
February 2, 2020 — 1:05 pm
Well Placed Rocket says:
It’s even fucking wosre when it’s called “predator.” Sam, Mike, and Will are barely tolerable, but only because of their practical function. My college coach would call it the “stud” and use a $ to denote it in diagrams. That is pretty cringey, but he is wildly successful and just took his (new) D3 team (NOT the team I was on, oh no) into D1, so fuck me I guess.
February 2, 2020 — 1:58 pm
Brother Goodell says:
I see it as a cue to EDGE myself
February 2, 2020 — 2:35 pm
itsacon says:
Should they all come after “Shove me off the top of a moving container truck”? Or at the very least, after centre-back?
February 2, 2020 — 11:16 am
eStMillay says:
Punter is like Kicker with no pressure. So you can be a quirky weirdo / fan favorite and as long as you aren’t absolutely horrible no really remembers your screw ups. For example, I know the Steelers’ punter is terrible but I could not for the life of me tell you his name.
February 2, 2020 — 11:17 am
Certifieed Pre-owned Lib says:
Punting can be fun. You get to do the whole backspinny thing and get it to land RIGHT at the goal line. It’s like curling! Plus there’s always a chance you get to throw a pass or even run for a first down on a trick play drawn up on the whiteboard Belichick has an assistant wheel around with him everywhere he goes.
February 2, 2020 — 11:23 am
Steve S says:
A single tear drops from every cornerback’s eye.
February 2, 2020 — 11:34 am
Samer Kalaf says:
Cornerback has now been added. We are sorry to all the cornerbacks who were previously crying.
February 2, 2020 — 11:48 am
SavetoFavorites says:
The Blind Side, tho
February 2, 2020 — 11:47 am
Flern Haply says:
“You’re changing that boy’s life”
“NAW HE’S CHANGIN’ MINE”
February 2, 2020 — 2:56 pm
Unnamed Baseball Player's Helmet says:
I don’t see Slotback anywhere. No wonder your teams have so much trouble scoring rouges.
February 2, 2020 — 11:47 am
Steve says:
+1 point
February 2, 2020 — 12:50 pm
Big Gas says:
Offensive Weapon has always been my fave. So versatile and dangerous
February 2, 2020 — 11:49 am
Jeffrey E says:
Sorry, but #1 position is, was, and always will be ATH.
February 2, 2020 — 11:49 am
milkbuff says:
Center definitely no. 1. Get’s to touch the ball every play, and gets a little love on the boys while he’s at it.
February 2, 2020 — 11:58 am
MediumBaller says:
Mike, SAM, Wildcat, Nose Guard/Tackle, 3-Tech, Monster, Half Back, Tail Back, Slot Back, Nickel Back, Dime Back…seems like there may actually be more names than positions on the field
February 2, 2020 — 12:27 pm
Ben says:
Flanker, yo. Where the fuck is Flanker?
February 2, 2020 — 2:48 pm
Caviar Smokeboy says:
No Rover?
February 2, 2020 — 1:05 pm
Boy Howdy says:
Still no love for monster man.
February 2, 2020 — 1:21 pm
caseofthebens says:
Guard is way lamer than Tackle. TACKLES TRIM THE EDGES
February 2, 2020 — 1:35 pm
Orsini says:
Tackles are glory boys. They’re the CBs of the offensive line.
February 2, 2020 — 2:21 pm
Houstondude says:
How the hell is reverse cowgirl not on this list?
Oh, football positions. Nevermind.
February 2, 2020 — 2:33 pm
GoliathOnline says:
Look, where else are us 6′ 8″ large lads supposed to play?
February 2, 2020 — 3:01 pm
wheredidthedashlaneguygetthoseslippers says:
scat back! nose guard?
February 2, 2020 — 5:01 pm
JasonMomoasFakeArms says:
Old Timey Football Offenses run by overly zealous High School coaches ranked:
1. Wing T
2. Wishbone
3. Flex-Bone
4. Power I
5. Off-set I
6. Pro Set
7. Getting hit by an assistant coach
8. Single Wing
February 2, 2020 — 7:33 pm
Heavy Metal Lawyer says:
The pistol deserves your consideration.
February 3, 2020 — 3:43 pm
Dead Letters says:
Hey idiot there are only 11 positions in football.
MAGA
Sent from my Gateway Desktop
February 2, 2020 — 9:19 pm
RedMenace75 says:
This is good Kinja, even though it isn’t on Kinja. And Todd Christensen and his threatening mustache would like to know where H-back is.
February 3, 2020 — 10:57 am
The Player Formerly Known as Mousecop says:
Goddamnit. I miss the commentariat as much as the bloggers. Laughing hysterically at my desk.
February 3, 2020 — 12:55 pm
Dead Letters says:
The real sticking to sports was the friends we made along the way.
For real though, this has been an absolute triumph-of-the-human-spirit kind of thing. I am so happy to see this righteous shitshow ride again. It is a goddam gift that they included commenting.
February 3, 2020 — 5:03 pm