Pfft, I Could Do That If I Wanted To

Because of the coronavirus pandemic, athletes can’t exercise like they normally do, so they’re limited to using whatever’s in their living quarters. Some of these jocks have shared their supposedly grueling home workouts, and I’m here to bravely proclaim that they’re not that impressive. Which ones? All of them.

Russian competitive swimmer Yulia Efimova showed how she practices her strokes, even when she’s not around a pool. If you think this is an impressive display of core strength, I’m here to tell you that I can also do this. I just don’t feel like it right now. Maybe later.

Buffalo Bills receiver Stefon Diggs shared a video of a similar core exercise, albeit not on a kitchen counter. Even less cool than Yulia’s. I don’t need to bother with this one.

Olympic gymnast Simone Biles took off her own sweatpants with her feet, all while doing a handstand. Big deal. I could have done that twice yesterday, if someone had asked me. Not today, though.

Retired tennis player Fabrice Santoro challenged his followers to do this juggling routine with a racquet and ball. Challenge accepted, Fabrice. Let me get back to you when I find a racquet and ball.

What the hell is this? Pass.

Cleveland Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr. thought it’d be impressive if he sped up a video of him practicing catches. I already know how to catch a football, thanks.

“Fine,” you say as you roll your eyes in the most annoying way. “What does impress you?” Glad you asked. Here’s something I can’t do:

Wow. They’re not human.