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Olympic Climbers Use Their Walls And Fireplaces For The Most Intense Game Of “The Floor Is Lava”

Climbing was one of the sports slated to make its Olympic debut in Tokyo this year, though because of the coronavirus pandemic, the opportunity for sportscasters to make strained comparisons to Spider-Man has gone the way of hanging out in bars and the feeling of joy. Climbers will have to wait (at least) one year to go to the Games.

Obviously, climbing gyms are shut down across the nation, which is a prudent decision–I can’t think of a worse vector for disease than a place where everyone sweats and bleeds on the same sets of plastic holds. Going outside to climb on actual rocks may seem like a relatively safe activity at the moment, though even that presents a suite of issues. Setting aside the fact that coronavirus can linger on rocks, outdoor climbing is inherently dangerous, and it’s dumb to do anything with a decent chance of landing you in the hospital right now. Crags tend to be in more rural areas with fewer hospital beds and general resources.

What’s a climber to do? Barring “not climb,” the answer seems to be “climb around the house.” Here’s Brooke Raboutou, the first American climber to qualify for Tokyo, as she goes over the fireplace and hits a dyno.

She’s been quite busy:

Exposed beams really help with this activity:

I hope the second story here is not carpeted:

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Are ya silly I'm still gonna send it

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The climbing baby here is only the second-most impressive baby on UTSB this week: