I miss the sounds of sports: the crack of the bat, the loud check into the boards, the roar after a late game-winning goal. I even almost miss the sound of an unthinkable four-bounce shot.
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Illustration by Chris Thompson
Oh shit! Big news! Infamously jumpshot-reticent Philadelphia 76ers guard Ben Simmons, who has attempted a mere 23 three-pointers in 7,362 minutes of NBA playing time across a little more than two and a half professional seasons and who shoots his free throws as though he has feet for hands, says that he is ready to shoot three-pointers now. Or, well, no, okay, to clarify: He says he feels like he wants to shoot three-pointers now. Or, well, actually, he said that back in roughly late February, in a discussion about his infamous near-total unwillingness to shoot three-pointers. Or anyway he sort of said it. Kind of.
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Illustration by Chris Thompson
When times are hardest, even the Disney Corporation signs off on the F-bomb. I mean, sure, lots of other unprecedented things happen these days, but this is network TV’s whopper with cheese.
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Just under three minutes into The Last Dance, we meet one of the documentary’s stars: Michael Jordan’s drink tumbler. Sitting next to Jordan during one of the interviews he did for this 10-part documentary, the tumbler appears in multiple shots throughout the first two episodes. Sometimes it’s full. Sometimes it’s empty. We don’t see Jordan drink it, but we can tell he did.
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Illustration by Chris Thompson
Of the four worst players in the NBA by box plus-minus, a perfectly solid catch-all metric used by Basketball Reference, three are rookies, none of whom are old enough to buy their own drinks, one of whom was a second-round pick. The fourth is Isaiah Thomas. Those youths have promise and potential, in varying measures; Thomas is a husk. He plays for the Washington Wizards, and despite his team’s catastrophic lack of genuine NBA talent, Isaiah manages to make them demonstrably worse every time he takes the floor, which is often. He is the worst player in the NBA.
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Zion Williamson is big fun. Imagine all the Zion things that would have been blogged. Wouldn’t those have been fun blogs?
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Illustration: Chris Thompson
On Thursday, the NBA announced the All-Star reserves for its startlingly convoluted February showcase, and among the familiar names—Damian Lillard, Russell Westbrook, and Kyle Lowry, for example—was a new one by way of South Florida. Miami’s Bam Adebayo will be making his first appearance at the All-Star Game this season, officially confirming what anyone who has watched the Heat during this pleasant surprise of a season has known for a while: the 22-year-old big man is already a star, and his team’s most important player, if not its best.
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A young NBA player who is butt. (Illustration by Albert Burneko)
Many young NBA players are springy and cool and good, such as, for example: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Luka Dončić, Trae Young, Jayson Tatum, etc. Future stars of the sport! On the other hand, many young basketball sons are sorry bozos with puke skills, fit only for the bottom of the dumpster. Below, in no particular order, is a list of some NBA youths—no rookies! Rookies are not eligible for this list—who fart rancid ass upon the hardwood.
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